A little over a week ago marked the one-year anniversary when I announced on Facebook to family and friends about my diagnoses but more specifically Aspergers. Looking back over the past year, I find it very important to share the setbacks and progress made.  Last year's reveal was such a relief, a burden lifted being able to let my guard down.  The amount of Facebook love and support from everyone was incredible and wonderful.  There were several relationship causalities along the way, but I am learning from it and continue to move forward.  I guess my expectations had me believing there was now a continued open dialogue between friends and family regarding any past incidents and/or discussions regarding autism.  I quickly realized the opposite was happening.  I so desperately wanted to discuss these issues, what was going on in my thoughts, but I never felt people seemed open to that discussion.  A week or so after my announcement, I found myself putting back on the mask in fear that I had now made people uncomfortable.  I put on that happy face, the people pleasing one, and dove right back into life as if nothing happened.  I think what it boiled down to is that no one really knew how to broach the subject.  I was miserable thinking I had let others and myself down.  I no longer had a desire to share my experiences either orally or through writing.  And on top of everything else, our family was in the middle of a cross-country move.  With monumental change and upheaval in the works, I had to maintain pure focus on our new location and Mason.

As with any move, it takes time to adjust, to familiarize one's self with new surroundings, cultures and routines.  We were all consumed with trying to find our way, figuring out and fitting in to Colorado life.  My sole focus was simply to create a home and successfully set the kids up in their new school.  After months of this obsessive attention to our new life,  this email appeared in my inbox...

Hi Aunt Fifi!

At school i had to turn in a personal narrative by a family member. So mom printed out a passage of your blog, called " Blending In." 

And guess what? My Teacher loved it! My teacher read the first paragraph to my class, and we had a whole discussion about Aspergers.

We also talked about this movie called " Temple Brendan" ( i don't know how to spell it though), which is about a teenager girl that also had Aspergers. Anyways, my teacher loved it so much, she is making a copy of it today, and then giving it back to me. 

I just wanted to let you know that your story is inspiring others.   

Love you + I miss you,

                                       Gwen    

Speechless and stunned, all I could do was simply let the tears stream down my face as I immediately realized two very important things:

1. My perception and expectations of how things should have gone following the reveal were constricting and stifling.  I was not looking at the bigger picture, not allowing alternative ways of expression.

2. It is time to pick back up where I stopped, speak from the heart and continue to share experiences, ideas and knowledge.

I cannot express in words how much it meant for my sister, Sheila, to use "Blending In" (my reveal) as Gwendolyn's homework assignment.  Even more encouraging was my niece's beautiful and sweet email. (They are pictured above.)  I love you both, and thank you so much for your support, for reminding me I can take off my mask.  Of course, I did not immediately do so.  It has also taken a gradual increase in Facebook likes on the Female Aspieology page to get me to restart.  Last Thursday two Autism groups, Spectrum Rising and Autism Awareness promoted my Facebook page on theirs causing an explosion of likes from all over the world.  I am humbled, renewed and excited to return to the journey I started a year ago.  There is a saying in our household that began shortly after moving to Colorado - "You can't have success without failure."  I have failed, failed in believing in myself, my friends and family, failed in moving forward, but that only means that if I learn from this failure, I am guaranteed success.  So, in a nutshell - I'm back! ;-)  And stay tuned. :-)