Holding On To The Beautiful Words
(Originally the subject matter of this next blog post was to shed light
relating to characteristics of a female aspie, but felt compelled to disclose my
experiences after posting on Facebook last week. )
Before informing the world about my diagnosis,
I spent time uncovering other aspie blogs depicting their experiences with the
aftermath of sharing such a personal revelation. After
uncovering their encounters, I was ready for the "Are you sure?", "Will you grow out of it?", "But
it's a male diagnosis?", "Did you go to a real doctor?" or
"Should you get a second opinion?" remarks. I was even prepared for
the "Rain Man" reference. But I was surprised to find that none of
the reactions I had prepared for actually happened. Instead, I found there to be three types of
responses: condemning, narcissistic and supportive.
The last thing you want to do when someone
bears their soul admitting to faults and shortcomings is to throw stones at
them. In reality, those stones are
simply issues, which do not pertain to the intended target but from the one
throwing them. There is no doubt in my mind of the collateral damage caused by
my condition. I admit it and own up to this. I aim to reconcile and salvage
broken relationships to the best of my abilities, but not when the other party
is stuck in the past placing the full blame of a botched friendship as well as
their inability to create close relationships on me, refusing to acknowledge
their own faults. I am only interested
in moving forward. As I felt the issues
and accusations being hurled towards me, the realization hit that I will not be
able to mend every relationship. And
that's OK. I have no animosity towards
someone who attacks me. I understand and
forgive, but it means to move on without them.
It is a relief to recognize this fact giving me a sense of freedom and positive
closure.
I think what surprised me the most though was the
overwhelming private messages of people sharing their own personal struggles
directly relating to if not one but a couple of the same issues. Heartfelt individual stories filled with
encouragement, love, advice and support providing this woman with a clear and
defined insight of comradery. The advice
was profound and inspirational. Below is
a collection of advice, encouragement and list of books from some of those
brave souls... advice and information I have already begun to implement and
hope equips others with the tools to face obstacles and daily battles:
- Slow down, breathe and give yourself first the time to adjust to the news.
- Research and learn ALL you can about each diagnosis, from ALL sources, not just medical ones, but from people that have the same or similar things. It is from THEM you will learn the most. They are living it daily. Doctors tell us textbook answers because that's all they know.
- Give yourself time to grieve. Yes, I said grieve. It's ok to be upset and mourn. It doesn't mean you're weak. It means you are going through the process you need to.
- Any chance of ever being normal can be distressing. You might grieve for the person you could have been without autism, or for the person you could have been if you’d been diagnosed as a child. Be prepared for shock, denial, anger, and depression, before you finally reach acceptance. You might whizz through these emotions in a matter of hours or days, or it might take months or even years.
- Don't feel rushed to fix it and make everything better over night. You need time to figure this all out.
- Don't be afraid to give yourself whatever you and your family needs to handle this. Always be up front with Scott and the kids. They are in this battle too. They will have no clue some days what to say or do and that's OK too. Just tell them you don't either, that you will all learn together. It's OK for our children to know life is not always perfect and can be down right messy at times, but it's how we react to it that matters.
- Let go of perfectionism. Don't be hard on yourself. You are a compassionate person to others, so show that same compassion to yourself. Don’t go over all the stuff you did wrongly or rightly before you knew you were an aspie. You’ll have done the best you could, and all without a vital piece of self-knowledge. Forgive your old self. Get to know your new self. You are a good and wonderful person, and there’s a whole world of aspies out there waiting to say Hi!
- When anxious, excuse yourself from the situation and give yourself time to regroup.
- When depressed, admit you are sad, giving permission to allow the emotion and know it is OK. Tomorrow is another day.
- God created you and knows you more than you do. He has been and always will be with you through all of this.
- Remember you are blessed with a kind and understanding man who stands by your side. Appreciate him, let him know when you need to lean on him.
- Journal your thoughts: Give permission to yourself to think about things, situations, events and emotions you don't want to and write them down.
- Some days you will want to tackle the world and other days just getting out of bed will be too much. Both are equally fine, so don't pressure yourself to feel like Wonder Woman everyday!
- I think much of what we experience in our lives is to teach a life lesson so we can help others. I hope that as you go through this part of your journey that you will really hold on to the beautiful words so many of your loved ones have shared with you and know I am here for you if you just need someone to listen without judgment!
Books Recommended:
This information comes at the best time
possible, especially since at no surprise based on our experiences with Mason,
I am having difficulties finding the doctors and treatment needed. Florida is nowhere prepared for the volume of
AS cases, and pray legislators wise up.
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